The Third Party
by su-mo
Summary: The aftermath of an outofthebar brawl well more a skirmish, anywaywhat will Daniel and Teal'c think? Will Sally like pina colada? And what events will arise in the drive home? Please Read and Review.
1. The Third Party

**Disclaimer**: the usual. I don't own Stargate SG1 yadda yadda yadda. I'm just borrowing.

**Authors' note**:This is a collaborated story by sueKay04 and mishy-mo. We will alternate chapters, and will update as often as possible. This first chapter is by sueKay04, and we hope you enjoy it. Please R&R!

**Synopsis**: Jack has to take onboard a Goa'uld symbiote, but must keep it, and the naquadah masking technology the sybiote posesses a secret from the SGC.

**Timeframe**: Season six or Season seven.

**Pairings**: Sam and Jack (eventually)

**Note:** _Italics_ indicates thoughts, indicates a flashback, and [ ] indicates a symbiote 'talking'.

* * *

**The Third Party  
**  
Colonel Jack O'Neill awoke with a start. Slowly, he took in his surroundings. He was lying at the bottom of a steep embankment on the edge of a clearing. His vision was slightly blurred, but he could see the outline of bodies littering the clearing. When he realised that he was lying in a ditch, he looked at his uniform.  
  
_Oh great. That's your greens ruined,_ he though inwardly as he noticed he was caked in mud. He looked up sharply, but was stopped by a deep pain in his temple. Bringing his hand up to his head, his mud-covered fingers brushed over a large welt, causing him to wince.  
  
_Better not do that again  
_  
Feeling more tenderly this time, Jack felt a large gash down the side of his face. _Another one for the_ _scar collection,_ he thought as he staggered to his feet.  
  
"Oh...crap." Was his exclamation. As dotted around the clearing were several dead Jaffa and a lone woman.  
  
"This is just great! Stuck on a planet on my own with a dozen dead Jaffa, a dead woman and ten thousand not so dead trees!!"  
  
Jack slowly stared to amble to where the woman was. Looking back, he saw just how steep the embankment was. It was vertical, and must have been about thirty feet high. The top of a Stargate was just visible at the top.  
  
_I must have fallen down there,_ he thought, as realised just how badly he was injured. His ribs and back were aching, and he was covered in cuts and scrapes.  
  
Turning, Jack once again started towards the woman. Her face was in the mud, so he repositioned her to see what she looked like, As he turned her round, she let out a small sigh, then winced. She turned to face him, and as soon as he saw her, he got a flashback to previous events.

"Colonel" said General Hammond.  
  
"We don't need to tell you just how important this Goa'uld is. You need to bring her here at all costs."  
  
"Permission to ask the Tok'ra for help since it's them who want her." Enquired Jack  
  
"Of course. You have a go Colonel."

Realising who the woman was, he drew his P90, aiming it at her neck.  
  
"Please...don't shoot me!" said a weak, human voice."Sir" called Sam  
  
"Carter what is it"  
  
"The Jaffa are closing, we have to go now!"  
  
Sam, Daniel and Teal'c ran towards the gate, but Jack held back.  
  
"Carter! How'd Ba'al figure out where she was."  
  
"I have no idea. Sir we gotta go!"  
  
Jack turned towards the gate, but the edge of the embankment gave way, sending him crashing to the ground.

_They had to leave me...  
_  
"Who are you?" asked Jack, toting his P90 to remind the Goa'uld just who was in charge.  
  
"My name's Marana. Host to Sal'moro."  
  
"You a Goa'uld?"  
  
"In a way."  
  
"In a way?" Jack asked quizzically.  
  
"I'm not Tok'ra, but I'm not Goa'uld"  
  
"You're a rebel...rebel then?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"A rebel without a cause?" Jack offered.  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's a classic mov... Never mind."  
  
Jack decided that he was already too mucky to get muckier, and slowly sat down next to Marana, keeping a firm hold on his P90.  
  
"Whatcha doin' here?"  
  
"Erm...it's complicated."  
  
"I'm not going anywhere."  
  
If you are of the Tauri, which I know you are Jack O'Neill, then you'll know."  
  
Jack turned to look at Marana.  
  
"We non Goa'ulded humans suffer form things called concussions. Symptoms include drowsiness, dizziness, disorientation, memory loss and...oh yeah...big crackin' bumps on the head!!"  
  
"So you don't know why you're concussed, covered in mud, in a clearing, surrounded by dead Jaffa and an injured rebel Goa'uld, on another planet?"  
  
"No. All I know, is that the Tok'ra want you for something. That's all I remember."  
  
Marana chuckled "Tol'sak was right. You are dense!"  
  
"Hey! Dense guy's holding the gun!" replied Jack angrily.  
  
"Sorry." Said Marana sheepishly.  
  
"Well...tell me... why are you here?"  
  
"A month ago, I was caught sneaking intel to the Tok'ra."  
  
"I though you said you weren't Tok'ra."  
  
"Sal'moro wanted to align herself with the Tok'ra, as she despises the Goa'uld. I however was fearful, thinking that we'd get caught if we joined them. I begged her to stay with the Goa'uld."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"We agreed that we'd sneak information through to a Tok'ra operative."  
  
"What went wrong?"  
  
"I was caught in the act, and tortured into confessing everything I know about the Tok'ra. The operative was murdered."  
  
"Oh...who's Tol'sak?"  
  
"The operative who died."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Is that your favourite word?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Oh...oh no...no...not at all."  
  
Realising, he'd just said 'Oh' twice in the last sentence, he kept quiet, planning what he was going to say.  
  
"The name Tol'sak sounds familiar."  
  
"Well, you know Selmak."  
  
"What's that gotta do with anything?"  
  
"He and Tol'sak were...involved."  
  
"Oh. Which host?"  
  
"Jacob."  
  
"Wha...Sam didn't know that!"  
  
"Jacob did not want to upset Major Carter, so he kept the relationship secret. It was hard enough on her with him becoming a Tok'ra, without getting involved with one."  
  
"Oh! That actually makes sense! So...hm...where were we?"  
  
"I was kept alive for experiments in ... stealth technology."  
  
"What sort of technology?"  
  
"The ability to mask the Naquadah in a Goa'uld and their host's blood stream."  
  
"Did it work?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Wow! Sam's gonna have a field day with this!"  
  
"There are some...side effects."  
  
"Oh...oh crap! I keep saying oh. So...anyway...what kinda side effects are we talking about?"  
  
"The host dies."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"There you go again."  
  
"Crap!"  
  
"You know, for a rather dense Tauri, you're quite funny!"  
  
"Gee thanks."  
  
Silence followed. Jack kept his P90 aimed at Marana's neck, still not completely trusting her.  
  
"So...you're dying?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Scared?"  
  
"No. My memories will live on in Sal'moro."  
  
"Oh. I didn't know that!"  
  
At this 'oh', Marana giggled, but then quickly stopped and winced in pain.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"Sal'moro's been sustaining my life for as long as she could. She's dying now as well. I cannot allow that to happen."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
Marana looked at Jack as if he were a madman, which he could well be from what she'd heard about him.  
  
"Sal'moro and I are one. I've been her only host."  
  
"Oh...sorry."  
  
"Sal'moro and I possess valuable information that both the Tok'ra and the Tauri will need."  
  
"Tell me as much as you can..."  
  
He was interrupted as Marana let out a low moan. She was obviously in great pain.  
  
"There's not enough time..." she gasped, "I hear you're not too good at technological stuff...the information I possess is very complicated."  
  
"What type of Intel do you have? Troop movements? Base locations?"  
  
"Weapon blueprints and specifications."  
  
Jack stopped, taking a long look at the Goa'uld...Tok'ra...whatever.  
  
"Powerful?"  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
"How long do you have?"  
  
"Not long."  
  
"Crap...Listen...I'm better at technobabble than I let on. It's just...I don't like it and I'm not really required to use it. Technical stuff is Carter's forte. Tell me what you know."  
  
"When I said not long...I meant not long."  
  
"Shit."  
  
"Take Sal'moro."  
  
"What!!"  
  
"Keep her until you build those weapons...then do what you want. We don't care anymore, as long as the Goa'uld suffer."  
  
"Aren't you forgetting something."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Sam Carter is a former Tok'ra and Teal'c is the former first prime of Apophis. Both of them work with me on a daily basis. They'd sense her."  
  
"And you're forgetting that the Naquadah in our bloodstream is cloaked and therefore it will be in yours too."  
  
"I thought it didn't work."  
  
"It did. The procedure kills the current host, then the symbiote is passed on to a new host. Sal'moro would be undetected. You could finish the weapons before coming clean. I swear you will not regret this."  
  
Jack pondered his predicament.  
  
_Do I let them both die and lose valuable Intel, or do I let myself become a host and use this information to defeat the Goa'uld?_   
  
"Is there a third option?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Crap!"  
  
Jack shut up again, considering his options. The truth was he was terrified about having a snake in his head, as both his previous experiences had been rather traumatic. But the SGC was at war with the Goa'uld. They needed this Intel...  
  
"Fine. I'll do it."  
  
Marana nodded. You know the procedure?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"There's two things you need to know. Number one - There are excess chemicals in Sal'moro from the procedure, and these may have an adverse effect on you."  
  
"Like?"  
  
" The chemicals may make you appear what the Tauri call...drunk?"  
  
Jack thought about this for a second. "Fair enough. What's number two?"  
  
"Jacob was the first operative I snuck Intel to. Before he and Jacob became involved with Tol'sak, he and I had a romantic relationship."  
  
"Oh! Selmak sure gets around." Jack's face fell when a certain thought entered his mind.  
  
_Shit! Which host? Oh crap!_   
  
"Which host?" Jack asked calmly.  
  
_Please. Don't let it be..._  
  
"Jacob."  
  
_Not what I was wanting to hear!_ _  
_  
"Is that a problem?"  
  
_Let me see...you're gonna see one of your best friend's dads like you've never wanted to see. Not a nice thing to contemplate. On the other hand...you get to save Earth for the ninth time and make big honkin' space guns to blow things up!   
_  
"Not a problem." He heard himself say.  
  
"Well then...let's do it."  
  
Jack hesitated slightly, before lowering himself to where Marana lay. He saw her open her mouth and felt a twinge of anxiety. Not letting his fear get the best of him, he too opened his mouth. A second later, he felt the symbiote enter his body. He gasped and lay back, overwhelmed by the instant tide of emotions the Goa'uld provoked. He regained control and looked over a Marana. Her eyes were peaceful, but her face was now twisted with pain, as she now had no symbiote to sustain her. She let out a short gasp and whispered.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"Don't mention it."  
  
Marana smiled, then she lay silent and still.  
  
Jack, felt his eyelids shutting, and as he fell asleep, felt the blending begin.


	2. Why He Hates Trees

> > > **Disclaimer**: the usual. I don't own Stargate SG1 yadda yadda yadda. I'm just borrowing.
>>> 
>>> **Authors' note**:This is a collaborated story by sueKay04 and mishy-mo. We will alternate chapters, and will update as often as possible. This first chapter is by sueKay04, and we hope you enjoy it. Please R&R!
>>> 
>>> **Synopsis**: Jack has to take onboard a Goa'uld symbiote, but must keep it, and the naquadah masking technology the sybiote posesses a secret from the SGC.
>>> 
>>> **Timeframe**: Season six or Season seven.
>>> 
>>> **Pairings**: Sam and Jack (eventually)
>>> 
>>> **Note**: Italics indicates thoughts, indicates a flashback, and [ ] indicates a symbiote 'talking'
>>> 
>>> **Why he hates trees  
**  
It was just after noon and already so much had happened that day. The still figure of a man lay under a tree, but soon he awoke to find that he had collapsed on a bed of pinecones (or at least this planet's equivalent!) Pointy side up I might add, the pine needles didn't help either.  
  
Jacks mind managed to compose an odd thought dully as it shook away the residual remnants of sleep.  
  
'Ahhhhh' a scream in pain and shock shook through the dense wood as a dazed angry and prickly colonel stumbled from the shade under the offending tree.  
  
' I knew there was a god damn reason I hated god damn trees!!!!!!!' he yelled and yelped as he pulled pinecones and needles from his ass.'  
  
_[Jack calm down]  
  
Oh shit  
  
[Jack I know everything that you think or ever have thought about]  
  
Ah, so no me time any more  
  
[When did you ever have me time before, not like you spent it doing any thing worth while ]  
  
True. Imagine that, a tok'ra with a sense of humour never thought I'd met one!  
  
[Ah but Jack remember that I'm not really a tok'ra]  
  
Uh huh  
_  
He waved his hand in front of his face.  
  
_But I've still got control, which is good, right?  
  
_'Yes' replied a goa'uld voice. It was the strangest feeling; he could feel his mouth moving, feel his voice shake from his throat but he had no control. This, from the perspective of a leader, one who is always in control, was frightening to say the least.  
  
He could hear Sal'moro laughing from within his head, yet another strange experience having both fear and amusement surge though your being.  
  
_[Sorry Jack couldn't resist!]  
  
Sure you couldn't. well next time do me a favour and tell me when your gonna do that  
_  
He thought still a little shaken.  
  
_[Of course and thank you, Jack]  
  
Uh for the whole sharing my head with you deal?  
  
[ Yes, thank you, I am still harbouring my grief for my previous host as well as my memories, I wanted to make sure you where ready for it all]  
  
Sure go ahead your already in here so why not  
  
_He could feel her preparing.  
  
_Wait!! I'm not going to pass out again?  
  
_He thought whilst edging away from his previous prickly resting place.  
  
_[No just a bit of a rush, by the way I haven't looked through your memories just the last week concerning me, I don't want to intrude]  
  
'K so hit me  
_  
'Ahhh' said a confused colonel trying to avoid the on-coming fist that was his own.  
  
_Not literally  
  
[Just messing with you Jack]  
  
Urgh! I'm never going to get used to this  
  
[So do I have your permission?]  
  
Ok lets do this, but you can't look at mine yet!  
  
...  
  
Hey what are you... wow  
  
...  
  
[Jack?]  
  
Yeah  
  
[I'm tired, so I'm not going to be in contact with you for a while, try to keep quiet]  
  
Okay  
  
_Jack stood for a minute contemplating quietly the events of that morning, as he felt his link with Sal'moro reduce slightly as she began to recuperate. He then made the decision to go back to earth.  
  
  
  
Sirens and flashes went off in the SGC as 'Off-world activation' was announced.  
  
Against the wishes of the good doctor Sam leapt from the infirmary bed, still clad in her mucky OG trousers and ran to the control room, to get there just in time to here the sergeant announce;  
  
' SG-1's Iris code'  
  
and Hammond yell eagerly from the stairwell;  
  
'Open the Iris!'  
  
Hammond and Carter stood silent and still side-by-side as they awaited the familiar ripple of the shimmering horizon.  
  
As Jack walked through the gate, there was a great sigh of relief from the control room as shoulders visibly relaxed. Glad to be home Jack smiled at the crowd gathered in the control room.  
  
'Glad to have you back Colonel. Get yourself to the infirmary. De-brief in one hour'  
  
'Yes sir!' he said adding a mock salute. Handing his P-90 and 9mm to the SF at the bottom of the ramp, he headed for the infirmary.  
  
'Sir!' called a familiar voice. He turned to see his smiling 2IC. ' Glad your ok, Hammond was just organising a rescue team as you arrived'  
  
_[Jack!!!!!]  
  
Oops. Why does that always happen when she smiles?  
_  
'Hey Carter, no problem I was just unconscious on a planet far far away. How's Teal'c and Daniel?' he said smiling.  
  
_[Jack what are you talking about?]  
  
LATER!!  
_  
She smiled again.  
  
_[JACK!!!!!]  
_  
'Teal'c is fine as usual but Daniel caught half a zat blast on the way through the gate, you know him'  
  
'So how are you?' he asked trying to conceal the worry in his voice after noticing a slight graze on her forehead.  
  
'I'm fine sir, hit my head at one point, don't know what on, but Janet has been hovering over me and Daniel since we came back' she said. Then noticing the odd pinecones and needles on his arm and shoulders asked 'What happened to you?'  
  
'Ahh, I landed under some kind of pine tree' he had almost forgotten about that after the discussion with Sal'moro. Removing yet another needle from his ass he held it up to Carter as if as evidence. At this he received a giggle and not much else as they had reached the infirmary. Sam was quickly ushered back to her previous position as Jack was given his own bed.  
  
'Ahhhrg' being distracted by Sam's giggle this time he once again forgot about the pain in his ass.  
  
At this Sam burst out laughing and in doing so shook herself from her position on the bed and therefore promptly fell over the side of the bed and on to the floor with an 'Oh shiiit'  
  
It was now the colonels time to laugh, but only slightly as he stood once again, pain still present. Seconds later a dishevelled and scowling majors head sprung up from the farther side of the bed quickly trying to sneak back onto the bed without being noticed, but the incident wasn't missed by the hawk-eye of the good doctor, who quickly went bussing about her two troublesome patients.  
  
'Nice trip, where's my postcard.' added the colonel.  
  
But soon the tables where turned as Jack had to bare his ass to several nurses and the doc, all the while having Sam grinning and giggling behind the curtain.  
  
You'd think that taking my pants off would get most of the buggers out but no they need to snap in half and leave half the bloody tree in my ass!!!!!  
  
_[Hey Jack?]  
  
Uh huh?  
  
[What was that whole thing with 'Carter'] It's called laughing, and sorry if a woke you  
  
[Don't change the subject!]  
  
Don't tell me what to do you're the guest in this head don't abuse your privileges!  
  
[Men! You never want to talk about your feelings]  
  
Who said anything about feelings?  
  
[You didn't have to]  
  
But ... right this isn't going to work; just leave the whole Sam deal will you?  
  
[So, it's Sam now, is it?]  
  
...  
  
[Jack ...]  
  
Sally?  
  
[Sally?!?!]  
  
Yeah well I'm not calling you Sal'moro all the time; too much effort  
  
[Okay]  
  
Could you do something about the pain in my ass?  
  
[Sure]  
  
Thanks  
_  
Silence ensued.  
  
'Sir?'  
  
'What?'  
  
'Are you ok?' asked Fraiser, worried about the contortions on his face in the past five minutes.  
  
'Yeah.' Realising what he must have looked like he added, ' I'm just thinking'  
  
'Thinking?? Sir are you sure your ok?'  
  
'Yeah' he said as innocently as possible.  
  
'Right sir all done here'
>>> 
>>> He pulled his pants up to warm and conceal his embarrassed cheeks, he then looked at his watch.  
  
'Just in time for de-brief' pulling back the dividing curtain to reveal his giggling 2IC he added 'Carter you ready?'  
  
'Yeah, just coming.' Now with permission from the doctor she leapt from her bed and followed the colonel through the halls of the SGC. ' How's your ass sir?'  
  
'Well as far as I can tell you're the one with the better view so why don't you tell me?'  
  
Increasing her pace, a blushing major was soon side by side with her grinning CO.  
  
'How are you? Trips can be extremely hazardous to your health'  
  
'I'm ok sir' redness in her cheeks subsiding. 'My own ass got hit in the fall'  
  
'Looks ok from here'  
  
'Right maybe we should stop talking about this'  
  
'You where the one that brought up the subject of your ass, but your right' he said now suddenly remembering the presence of another in the conversation. Sally had just increased the pain in his ass as she grew impatient with this whole emotion roller coaster that he was putting her through. In fact roller coaster was a very good description as it was at that moment, as they entered the briefing room that those chemical side effects which the previous host warned of began to kick in.
>>> 
>>> this is a chapter from your second author mishy-mo
>>> 
>>> hi y'all
>>> 
>>> thought you should know a little more about us; were best freinds from scotland still at school ( oh Joy!!!) and we luv stargate, and thats about all you need to know
>>> 
>>> the next chapter is suz' so hastle her and not me!!!!!!
>>> 
>>> btw if RDA was ever a free agent in scotland then god help him!!!!!
>>> 
>>> suz i'd beat you any day so lay off!!!!hee hee


	3. What is Irish?

Hey folks! Sorry it's taken so long, but here it is! Chapter three from sueKay04!!

* * *

Jack watched Homer no - Hammond sit down at the briefing room table.

"Colonel O'Neill. Care to fill us in on what happened after SG1 and SG3 pulled back"

Jack's mind was a haze. SG1and SG3? Pulled Back?

"From what?"

Sam and Daniel looked at each other. Teal'c raised an eyebrow, and General Hammond rolled his eyes.

"Sir. What happened once us and SG3 gated back."

"Erm...uh."

_[Lie! They can't find out! Say that I was dead when you found Marana!]_

"Who was that?" Jack asked.

General Hammond levelled an incredulous glare at his 2IC.

"Who was what?" enquired Daniel.

"That annoying female voice!"

This time Sam glared at Jack. "Sir. Did Janet ask you to go back to the infirmary for something?"

"Was that her I heard a second ago?"

Daniel shook his head, before rubbing the bridge of his nose.

_[Jack you...Jackass! Just say that you woke up in a ditch and that I was dead!]_

"What happened on the planet Colonel?" Hammond asked, irritation gnawing away at his vocal chords.

"You woke up in a ditch and that I was dead?"

Another silent beat followed, but was broken by a loud "Ah!" from Jack's direction.

_[Jack! You idiot! Snap out of it!]_

_Out of what?_

_[Do I have to kick you again?]_

"That was you?" Jack growled.

Hammond sighed, before giving the rest of SG1 a pained look. "Colonel. I want you to go and see Dr. Frasier and...get your head examined!"

"Why? What's wrong with it?"

"I don't know yet Colonel! Doctor Frasier will let you know!"

"Okay okay. I'll just tell Sally what I'm doing."

Teal'c shot his friend a look. "O'Neill. Who is Sally?"

"She's the voice in my head!" And with that, Jack staggered out of the briefing room.

* * *

The Air Force courtesy car pulled up into Jack's street. He indicated to the driver to stop, before he hastily got out. He swayed up to his front porch, before falling in his front door.

_[Is the décor in here dull or what?]_

"Sal...Do me a favour...Don't talk."

_[Yah sure you betcha!]_

Jack peeled himself off of the floor and staggered along the hall and down the stairs to his bedroom. The inebriation from the chemicals had worn off, but he now had one hell of a hangover.

Quickly ridding himself of his mud stained greens (he'd been too 'drunk' to change earlier), he donned his favourite air force T-shirt and navy sweat pants. He flopped on to the bed and shut his eyes desperately trying to rid himself of the day's memories.

_[Can I talk yet?]_

"No." Jack spoke out loud; Telepathy required too much effort.

_[Why not?]_

"Read my mind and get back to me. Preferably tomorrow."

_[You're really mad at me aren't you?]_

"Of course not!" Jack shouted sarcastically.

_Stupid snake! Jonathan! What possessed you to say yes to being a host!_

He stopped his thought, when he sensed Sally's thoughts. He'd hurt her with that comment.

_[You despise all of us. Even the Tok'ra.] She stated._

Images and feelings bombarded Jack from his past. His relief at Ra's demise. His utter delight at Apophis' death. The sheer terror he felt for Ba'al.

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

_[I'm shocked at your feelings for the Tok'ra. You were jealous of Martouf/Lantash, and you despise Anise/Freya.]_

"I just don't trust them."

_[Is that why you have yet complete the blending?]_

"Huh?" _I thought it was done!_ He thought.

_[NO. In order for the blending to reach resolution, you must look into my mind, and freely share yours with me.]_

"I thought I had already! You've accessed my mind!"

_[Only for information relevant to our predicament.]_

"Ah!"

The pair lay quietly for a few minutes, until one of Jack's free-flowing thoughts was grabbed by Sal'moro. It was the Urgo incident. Sally seized control.

"Hmm...What an interesting verse!"

[For crying out loud Sal...Give me my voice back!]

"Let me think...uh...no!"

Sally/Jack bounded to his/her feet.

"Row Row Row your boat gently down the stream. Merrily, Merrily, Merri..."

[Sally!]

"Merrily. Life is but a stream!"

[For crying out loud!]

"Row Row Row your boat..."

[Sal'moro! Please shut up!]

"Sorry. Got carried away there!"

Jack felt his eyes 'light up'. He was back in control.

"Jonathan! Next time a snake asks you for help - ignore them!" He then felt his own hand slap him on the face. "Ow!"

_[In future...Don't expect any help with that butt of yours!]_

* * *

"Hey Janet!" Sam smiled as she walked into her friend's office.

"Hey Sam!"

"What was going on with the Colonel earlier?"

"When I first scanned him after his de-needling, I found traces of several toxins in his bloodstream. I gave him a CAT scan and an Ultrasound on his neck region when he began acting like a..."

"Pratt?" Sam offered.

"Yeah."

"What are the chemicals from?"

"At first I thought that there may have been an alien influence, but both scans were clean. The toxins I found are naturally occurring, but normally only in minute traces."

"Are you saying that the Colonel is chemically imbalanced?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"The toxins are normally only released during times of stress, anxiety and depression. The Colonel's very insular with his feelings..."

"Janet."

"Jack just had a little...'episode'. He's suffering from acute clinical depression."

* * *

"What!" Daniel shouted as he paced the floor of his office.

"Daniel..."

"This is all my fault! I should have noticed it sooner!"

"Daniel Jackson!" Teal'c raised his voice, "It is no-one's fault."

"Janet said that we should keep an eye on him, and try to get him to open up about his troubles, or to at least talk to us about stuff outside of the SGC and the Simpsons."

"Like that'll ever happen." Muttered Daniel.

Sam paced the floor, trying to think of what they could do.

"Guys. Are you both free tonight?"

"Yes."

"Indeed."

"I think the Colonel needs a night out!"

* * *

Jack/Sally were watching the Simpsons. After their last Spat, both had agreed to do all the talking telepathically. Jack had been more than relieved when Sally had started laughing at the first episode of the Simpsons season 8. If she'd hated it, he wouldn't have been able to cope.

_[Hey Jack!]_

_Yeah_

_[I've thought of something.]_

_What?_

_[If General Hammond had you sense of humour, your taste in food, and the IQ that everyone thinks that you have, he'd be just like Homer!]_

_I know! That's why I think they're both great men!_

_[The Goa'uld and the Tok'ra don't have anything like this whatsoever. We have no culture of our own.]_

_That's too bad. What's your food like?_

_[We don't have any of our own cuisine. All of our food is from cultures outside our own.]_

_What do you think of our food so far?_

_[Amazing! You are spoilt for choice! I have to say that I love this...popcorn, and Guinness is to die for!]_

_I'm glad you like it! It's Irish!_

_[Guinness is Irish just like you? What is Irish?]_

_When we finish blending you'll know._

_[Oh okay!]_

Their chatter was interrupted by a loud knock at the door.

_[Who is that Jack?]_

_Let me just find out._

Jack resumed full control, after Sally helped herself to another handful of popcorn. He walked towards the door, and looked through his peephole to see Daniel peering back at him. Jack opened the door.

"Hey Jack!" said Daniel, "How are you? Feeling better?"

"Uh...yeah...fine." Jack started. "What are you guys doing here?"

Teal'c cut to the chase. "Dr. Frasier told us of your illness."

_Crap! They'll all think I'm depressed! I'm not! It just looks that way because of the chemicals!_

_[Just tell them you feel fine. But tell them sincerely. No joking about.]_

"Guys. Honestly...I'm fine." Jack looked at the two sets of worried blue orbs, and the one set of brown ones in front of him.

"I'm sorry if I worried you all earlier."

There was an awkward, but understanding silence for a few moments.

"Sir. We're going to O'Malleys. Would you like to come along?"

"I...uh..."

_[Yes! I want to see more of your world! What is O'Malleys?]_

_It's an Irish bar. They serve really good steaks!_

_[I must go! I want to find out what Irish is!]_

Sure! Why not! I'll just go and get ready."

"Okay sir. We'll go and wait in my car."

* * *

Well what do you think? Just press that little button in the corner and tell us!!

The next chapter should be up in a little while, from second author Mishy Mo!


	4. A Someone

Disclaimer: The usual. We don't own Stargate SG1 yadda yadda. We're just borrowing.

Authors' note : This is a collaborated story by cueKay04 and mishy mo. We will alternate chapters and will update as often as possible.

Synopsis : Jack has to take onboard a Goa'uld symbiote, but must keep it, and the naquadah masking technology she possesses a secret from everyone at the SGC.

Timeframe: Season six or Season seven.

Pairings: Sam and Jack (eventually)

Note: Italics indicates thoughts and [ ] indicates a symbiote 'talking'

* * *

A Someone

[It's just amazing how it goes so fast! I've never seen anything like this, the sheer adrenaline rush! Nothing I've ever seen before could compare with it!!]

These were the Sally's thoughts as she felt the wind in Jack's hair, as his head was currently stuck out the passenger window of Sam's car, doing 70 along the freeway.

It's just a car

[Jack we don't have anything like this at all it's just so amazing!]

Ok can I get my head back in here with the rest of me it's getting cold and Sam's starting to look at me funny.

[No, I want to stay out here!]

Sally…!

There was a struggle and a battle of wills as his head was in the car one minute then out the next. It was evenly matched with no discernible winner.

[Out!]

In!

[OUT!]

IN!

[OU…]

'Sir, are you ok?'

Now you've gone and done it

[What you helped!]

'Uh yeah I'm fine.'

She gave him a concerned look, concerned as it was it clearly questioned his sanity.

Great now she thinks I'm nuts!

[Well maybe she'll take pity on you and… loma'shem…]

Right there missy enough of that conversation, nothing is going to happen between us!

[Uh huh we'll see about that]

What's that supposed to mean?

[Eh Jack she's trying to talk to you]

What?

'…you came back.' Sam finished, carefully watching the road in front of her keeping a look out for Daniel's car.

She sighed ever so slightly then said, 'Are you sure you are ok? Because you've been acting kinda… weird since you came back.'

'Doc say's I'm fine.' He answered impassively.

[Jack she deserves more, look, she's really concerned, and if you respect her you'll give her a better answer than that.]

Do I have to?

[Yes or I'll do it for you! Hey why don't you tell her about me!!!]

No. No. No. The last thing I want is for her to think I'm a damn snakehead. No offence.

[Ah Jack there's no changing you is there]

Nope

[Give her a decent answer]

…

[Jack!]

FINE!!

'Your right, as usual,' he said finally, 'I have been a little off. I'm … adjusting.'

At this Sam looked intrigued. 'Adjusting to what?'

'Well I've not felt quite myself since I came back; I've felt quite …crowded. Yeah 'crowded' is the exact word I'd use.' He said with a slight grin.

Sam was completely confused by this, not just by what he'd said but by the fact he was smiling. 'How?' Her curious mind was on overdrive trying to work out Jack's cryptic clues.

'It just feels to busy inside my head.' Then he added smiling once again, 'I'm used to there being hardly anything in there, and it's kinda buzzing with stuff so it feels crowded.'

[Thanks very much for the praise Jack, I fell like some 'buzzing' insect in your head!]

Anytime and you are except a bit more scaly and reptilian

[Ha I knew it your smarter than you let on]

Ha Ha I do know some things

[Jack lying doesn't work when I'm in your head]

Ah

'Right,' said Sam bring him back to reality after going through all of what he said still unable to make much sense of it, 'but you're ok?'

'Yeah, and if I'm not I will be, nothing I can't handle.'

'Well I'm here if you need any help, sir.'

'Thanks.' He said sincerely with a genuine smile.

[See that wasn't so bad. Right can we put our head back out the 'window' now?]

Oh God help me!

* * *

The rest of the short journey was spent in relative silence except for in Jack head, where there was a debate on the age old question; to stick one's head out of the window or not? Thankfully in the interests of Jack's future 'shem life Sally gave in, not that he knew this was the reason.

'Right, we're here' said Sam making the turn into the small car park.

'Thank God.' Jack murmured, looking to the heavens.

'What?'

'What?'

Seconds later they had identical grins on their faces as the car shuddered to a quiet stop. But the moment was shattered as Jacks face fell with;

[Aw_ how romantically cute, you two young things should totally get together]_

'Eh, let's get in there I could really use a drink.'

They exited the car.

[Newsflash Jack you can't get drunk because I'm here]

Thanks

As he walked around the car he noticed Daniel's empty car, and figured that he and Teal'c where already inside.

That Daniel's a menace behind the wheel!

Once inside he was left to find the others on his own ( kind of! ) as Sam went to the ladies room.

Walking methodically through the deceptively large pub, he came across a familiar face but it wasn't a member of SG-1, it took him an extra second to register that the familiar face was not alone in it's drinking efforts. A woman was sat next to him, sat very close to him, too close to him, when Jack considered who he was.

The normal twinge of rage that burned through him whenever he saw the guy had increased 100 fold and was threatening to consume him.

[Jack who's that.]

That would be Pete. Sam's supposedly loyal boyfriend

[Oh]

Pete and his 'companion' then appeared to clumsily fall together, kissing. The problem was they didn't fall apart, they held together in a disgusting groping mass. His rage flared, as he seen him pull the other woman closer.

How the HELL could he do this to Sam. CRAP Sam! What if she sees?

'Sir couldn't you find them?' she said from beside him smile evident in her voice.

[Too Late]

At the sound of her voice Jack visibly stiffened, fearfully he looked into her eyes, standing stock still as if at attention. Seeing him like this she lost her smile and instantly became concerned.

'What's wrong?'

Unable to speak he glanced in the direction of the kissing duo, then back into her questioning eyes.

She looked towards them then back at her CO.

'What?'

'Just watch.' Came his voice barley audible over the music.

Turning round once again she saw the couple separate.

She saw Pete.

Sam stood for a moment taking in the scene of 'her' boyfriend in the arms of another woman, and then she turned silently and left.

Jack watched her go.

[Go after her Jack]

But…

He thought turning towards the person who had hurt his friend so much.

[Pete will be there for you to beat up later, right now Sam needs someone one, and you're that someone]

Obligingly Jack walked energetically after her, bursting through the double doors into the quiet car park. He listened: silence. To his left was a man getting into a car in the distance. To his right …Sam, leaning thoughtfully against the rough wall of O'Malleys.

[Say something]

'Sam'

She looked up at the sound of her name to see Jack approach her tentatively.

'You ok?' He asked knowing the answer would be anything but yes, he asked for his own reassurance as well as hers.

'I…I just…' she said close to tears.

'C'mere' he said opening his arm and enveloping her in his embrace.

[She needs you Jack] came Sally's thought a mere whisper amongst the mental turmoil he was going through.

'I'm here.' He said aloud both for Sam and Sally's benefit.

They spent a long time out there Just holding each other in the silence of the night, once the shoulder of his jacket was thoroughly wet with tears they parted slightly, carefully Jack wiped away the tears from her face with his thumbs, he smiled slightly then said,

'I'll be right back.'

She nodded completely trusting him, she leant back on the wall, even though she would have rather have leant on a USAF colonel who as much more dependable than any wall.

Bursting in as he burst out he made a beeline for Pete.

'Hey Pete, long time no see' he said an eerie grin on his face, 'we need to talk.' He spoke quickly leaving no chance for a reply, and the shock of a powerful hand on his shoulder steering him silently and painfully towards the exit silenced him further.

Need to get outta here don't want to get banned again!

[Banned?]

Long story another time maybe he thought as he threw Pete through the door, and kicked him to the ground once out side, while he tried to get up Jack glanced at Sam and with his eyes told her to wait there.

'Explain' he said in a deadly calm and quiet voice.

Faced with an extremely mad colonel most would back off instantly but Pete believe he had nothing to fear so he stood cockily before Jack.

'What?' he said boldly, underestimating the wrath of the man before him.

'How could you do that to Sam?' his eyes flared, literally, such was the scorn and the rage flowing through him than neither Sally or Jack could prevent it from happening.

Pete shrunk and quailed at the sight of Jack's eyes glowing; Pete had seen some one do this only once before and instantly knew that there was only one possible explanation: Jack was a gou'ald. He knew from what Sam had told him that these were dangerous aliens, with lots of power and strength; and he had just severely pissed one of them off.

'I'm sorry I shouldn't have done it.'

'No you shouldn't have' he said with such venom and malice as to bring Pete to his knees. Jack stepped forward, towering menacingly over a cowering form before him, but then he changed. His shoulders unfurled, his eyes softened only because he looked towards Sam.

Tentatively she stepped forward, until standing next to Jack looking down on her ex boyfriend. She looked calm and composed.

Jack moved menacingly forward, leaning down he pulled Pete to his feet by the scruff of the neck without much effort at all. Letting go of the pitiful excuse for a man. Pete tentatively took small steps backward from Jack, if he could have spoken he might have tried to tell Sam that Jack was a gou'ald, but alas fear had gripped him unlike ever before. He could not speak.

Jack matched his moves inch by inch, muscles tensing with each step.

Pete was soon backed against a car Jack barely a meter from him and Sam close behind.

Sam saw the fear in his eyes and took pity on him, realising how pathetic he truly was she just wanted to leave him and get on her life.

'Come on, he's not worth it.' She said heading towards the entrance.

But Jack didn't move.

[Jack…]

'Sir.'

He still didn't move.

[Jack leave him!]

Sam came forward and placed her hand on his arm and almost pleaded; 'Jack'

At this he turned towards Sam and seen hurt in her eyes, he didn't know whether it was him or Pete who was the cause of it so he did as she said. But before he could leave he turned and said; 'Leave now and never bother us again.'

Pete ran, he ran like a pack of wolves were chasing him, diving into his car he sped away quickly.

Jack and Sam fell into a fierce hug, all raging energy dissipated from them.

'So what about that drink' said Jack.

'Your buying'

-------------------------------------------------------------

Hey kids I know that this is more angsty than my usual stuff but we had to get rid of Pete somehow

Hope fully the next chapters should be a little lighter

Sue kay you're up

PS please push that little square button … yup… that one that says go… then say anything we always want to know what you think.


	5. Freeway Fun

**Freeway Fun**

Hey everyone! This is part two from sueKay04!

------------------------------------------------

"Where have you guys been?" Daniel questioned as Jack and Sam sat down next to them.

"Nowhere." Jack said, his voice sounding wooden and distant.

"What happened?" Daniel said, glancing first at Jack, then at Sam, and then at Jack again.

Sam looked at Jack, indicating that it was okay for him to explain.

"Pete."

"Pete what?" Daniel said, before a look of realisation crossed his face. "Oh...What'd he do?"

"I found out he prefers brunettes." Sam said, as she looked over to Pete's date. The girl must have been about twenty, and was sitting looking cross, obviously wondering where her lover boy had gone. "I think I might be too old for him as well." She added solemnly, pointing a finger at the girl.

"Ouch." Daniel said.

"Pete Shanahan is dating that girl?" Teal'c questioned.

"Guys...can we leave the subject please." Jack told Daniel and Teal'c. "Well I don't know about you three, but I'm parched. What'll it be folks?" Sally silently took control. "I'm buying." Sally handed back over to Jack.

_Gee. Thanks_

_[Come on. They were nice enough to invite us out.]_

_Me out...not you._

_[Gee. Thanks] _she said, mocking his earlier comments.

"Umm...I'll have a bud." Daniel gave Jack his order.

"I will have a lemonade and lager shandy." Teal'c stated.

"A beer for me sir."

"Okay."

Jack/Sally waded their way through the crowded bar.

_[I LOVE this place.]_

_It's just a bar._

_[Yeah, but it's Irish!]_

_It has an Irish name, and a few Irish patrons like myself. That's all_

_[Irish is fascinating!]_

_For crying out loud_

_[Oh...He's hot!] _Sally sighed, directing Jack's field of vision to the young man tending bar.

_Don't even THINK about it!_

_[I hate being a guy]_

_I hate being a snakehead!_

_[Dry up Jack]_

"What'll it be?" The barman said.

"Two bottles of bud, a lager and lemonade shandy and..." Jack tried to make up his mind.

_[What's that?] _Sally asked excitedly, eyeing up a large white glass.

_It's Pina Colada _

Sally once again took control "A Pina Colada please." She flirted, using Jack's eyes.

_Sally! I'm warning you! _He growled at the symbiote.

_Oh crap! He's flirting back!_

"There you go." The barkeeper smiled as he brought their drinks over.

"Thank you." Sally/Jack smiled. "Keep the change."

_Oh for crying out loud!!_

Teal'c watched as O'Neill made his way back to their table.

"O'Neill. What concoction did you order?" he said to his red-faced friend, on seeing the cocktail umbrella and various other things sticking out one of the glasses.

"They got my order wrong."

Sam snorted. "What is it?"

"Pina Colada...at least... I think it's in there somewhere." He grumbled, taking his seat.

"As I was saying...That's a great idea! We just need Doc Frasier to okay it!" Daniel said.

"What's that Danny?" Jack mumbled, as he removed the assorted cocktail sticks from his drink.

"Just an idea for an experiment...Daniel and I have been working on something for the Tok'ra."

Sally's interest was piqued.

_[I wanna know what they're doing!!!]_

_Fine. I'll ask._

"What would that be?"

"We've been thinking about the Naquadah masking technology that we know the Goa'uld have been experimenting with, and we think we can mask the actual symbiote as well! It'd be great for the Tok'ra!" Sam said in a hushed voice.

_[Tell them it's too dangerous.]_

_Why?_

Jack's mind filled with the horrific images of the pain endured by Sally and Marana during the Naquadah masking experiment.

"Dontcha think that's a...dangerous thing to do?"

"Why's that?"

"I...uh."

_[Quit the dumb act Jack. She ain't smiling at it just now.]_

"Couldn't there be side effects? It might be dangerous to the host." Jack reasoned.

"That's why were not going to give the Tok'ra the details of our research yet."

"Oh! Okay." Jack said.

Jack, Sam, Daniel, Teal'c and Sally sat in silence for a few minutes.

_[I don't like Pina Colada.]_

_That's very nice Sal'._

_[It's minging]_

_Let me do the talking next time we're at the bar._

_[What's that?]_

_What's what?_

_[That piece of papyrus attached to one of sticks.]_

Jack took the piece of paper from the bottom of the umbrella. It read;

Hey there. I couldn't help but notice the way you looked at me when I served you. Not many people are that forward. I finish at ten. Meet me in the Parking lot. Jeremy at the bar.

"Oh for crying out loud!" Jack shouted

_[He liked me!] _Sally squealed with joy.

"Jack?" Daniel asked, concerned for his friend's sanity.

"Read this." Jack muttered, thrusting the note into his friend's hand. Daniel read the note over, smirking slightly.

"At least we know that your drink order really did get mixed up!" He chuckled, passing the note to Sam and Teal'c. Teal'c raised an eyebrow, while Sam started giggling her head off.

"Are you going to met up with Jeremy then sir?" Sam teased.

Jack merely glared in Sam's direction.

It was a quiet drive back into the suburbs of Colorado Springs, well, for Sam, Daniel and Teal'c anyway.

_[I find this so exhilarating Jack!]_

_Sally! Get my head back in here!_

_[No.]_

"I'm warning you!" Jack said out loud.

"Sir?" Sam's questioning voice pulled him back to reality, whatever that was.

"Yeah?"

"You're warning me about what?"

"Oh...Nothing...Just talking to myself."

"Right." Said an unconvinced Sam.

_[Ooh. The tension .The tension.]_ Sally teased.

_Leave it alone_

_[You should screw the regs!]_

"No! The regulations are there for a reason!"

"Sir. If you don't stop talking to yourself, I'm going to pull over." Sam warned in her best 'Doctor' voice.

"Carter. I'm fine. Keep driving. That's not a request." He said.

_[She's really worried about you.]_

_I know. I can't exactly tell her though._

_[She's a Tok'ra]_

_FORMER Tok'ra._ Jack corrected

_[She'll understand]_

_What am I supposed to say? _"Hey Carter! I had a lovely time this evening, and the snake in my head helped me pull a guy!"

Sam's car screeched to a halt.

"Oops." Jack said sheepishly, realising that he'd been speaking out loud.

"Snake."

"Carter?"

"Snake?"

"Major?"

"Snake!"

"Sam?" Jack was worried.

Sam reached into her glove compartment, and pulled out her 9mm.

"Snake! You're a Goa'uld! That's why Pete was so afraid! I saw your eyes glow, but then I thought I was imagining things!"

"Sam."

"I'm calling the base!" She shouted.

"Samantha! Please don't."

Sam still had her gun trained at Jack's neck.

"I'll let you speak to Sally."

"Sally?"

"Sal'moro. My symbiote. We've been joined for over a day."

Sam looked panicky, and tightened her grip on the gun.

"That's why you've been acting so strange."

"Carter. I'm so sorry. I couldn't tell anyone. Sally had intel we need, but she did not want to be revealed yet."

"Sal'moro? That's the Goa'uld we were hunting!"

"She's not a Goa'uld!"

"She's a Tok'ra?"

"No." Sam continued glaring at Jack, her face a mixture of fear and anguish. "Maybe you should meet her."

Jack's eyes glowed, and Sally was in charge. She briefly looked around, before settling her eyes on Sam.

"Hello Samantha."

"Don't think that I won't kill you because Colonel O'Neill is your host."

"He is not my host. He is my partner."

"Partner?"

"In a truly symbiotic relationship, a human is much more than just a host. He is my companion."

"You don't sound like any Goa'uld I've met before. But then, neither did Hathor, and she was the worst of the worst!"

"I hated Hathor." Sally stated.

Jack took control. "Join the club."

Sam watched her CO and friend with fascination. For some reason her gut instinct was telling her that everything was going to be okay.

"Sam." Jack started. "I'm going to let Sally take over for a while. Can you drive us home. I'd like you to get to know her."

"Uh...yeah sir...I guess." Sam said. Lowering the gun.

Jack smiled at her, then his eyes glowed and Sally was back.

"Jack wants us to get to know one another. He feels it very important that we like each other."

"I'm sure he does."

"He cares about you, more so than he'll admit, and is worried about how you will cope with our joining."

"I know."

"What is Irish?" Sally asked.

------------------------------

Well. There ya go folks. That was chapter five by sueKay.

Mishy – it's your turn next.

As always, pleeeeeeeeeze push the ickle button in the corner and let us know what you think!!


	6. Emergency Stops

Emergency Stops: Practice Makes Perfect

Right kids here's the next bit.

-------------------------------------------

On the freeway cars screeched and swerved to miss a vehicle that had stopped in the fast lane for no apparent reason. The relative quiet of the suburban area was destroyed by a number of blaring horns, while the air was full and bustling with sound, the freeway was terribly quiet in the dead of night. Sam's small reverie was obliterated, the quiet contemplation of a new revelation was set to one side as she turned the key in the ignition; her previous practice at an emergency stop had stalled her temperamental car.

'Damn Volvo!' she murmured, dealing with her uncooperative car was a lot easier than trying to comprehend the complexities of her CO, and that was just on any other day but adding another consciousness was just a little trying on even the brilliant mind of Samantha Carter.

Rumbling to life the engine woke from its momentary slumber, and soon the car was roaring along the road at 70 (it's top speed) in the direction of Jack's house. And even at this speed it would still take 20 minutes to get there. Sam, Sally and Jack all knew this, and with this knowledge the atmosphere in the car became distinctly apprehensive.

'Thank you.' Said Sally breaking the silence.

Sam paused for a moment, she found it extremely strange to be hearing a goa'uld like voice to be coming from Jack. Getting over the shock of his/her voice she deciphered the words and there meaning and replied.

'What for?'

'Eh ...not shooting us,' she said with the same kind of sarcasm that Sam would expect from the colonel, 'I know you would have killed us if you thought I was a threat, even though Jack would die too, I'm glad you trust him enough, that you truly know him enough to see that he answered you truthfully.' She paused. 'I'm glad you where the first to find out as well, I knew that you would be able to sense that Jack is still himself. Only you could.'

At this Sam was confused.

_Sally what the hell are you trying to do?_

_[Jack you put me in charge until we get home so don't try and stop me!!]_

Sally laughed aloud.

This confused Sam even more.

'What?'

Sally smiled 'Jacky boy here is worried about what I might say.'

'Oh right' she said still trying to adjust to the situation.

At that moment Jack choose to think of some very interesting things he did not want Sam to find out about, because of this Sally now knew each and every one of them.

_[Jack I'm stunned!]_

_Aw Crap!!_

Sally laughed aloud once again.

_[Aw Jack you all worried I'll tell her all your secrets]_

_uh ...Yeah _

_[Don't worry] _she thought soothingly _[I'll just tell her about one of them]_

'You ever wondered what actually happened during those time loops regarding P4X-639?' Sally smiled.

_Sally!!_ Jack shouted in his mind fighting for control.

Sam was thrown off slightly by the sudden question that sprung from 'Sally'. Then, words settling in, she smiled and decided becoming friends with Jack's new 'companion' could be extremely beneficial.

'Ah, can you really tell me?'

'Well...' There was a pause. 'Carter!!' Jack had taken control.

'What sir?' she was liking the situation already, she could see herself and Sally making Jacks life a living hell with these constant wind up's. ' I'm doing as you ordered, girl talk, getting to know each other.'

_[Jack come on, let me tell her]_

'No!' shouted staring straight ahead.

Sam stayed quiet, knowing that some internal conflict was taking place.

[Jack you want us to get along, you want her to accept you like this, how can I do any of that if I can't talk to her!]

_Fine!!_

Jacks head dropped.

'He made out with you right in front of General G.' She blurted as soon as she had control.

Oh crap! Crap. Crap. Crap. Sally what the hell are you thinking.

_[Girl talk, it's great fun, maybe even more fun that your Irish!]_

Sam was in shock, so much so she pulled another emergency stop. This time now on a quiet street, which was a little safer, the car shuddered to a silent stop as it stalled once again.

'What?' she said shakily looking Jack/Sally dead in the eye.

More slowly this time sally said. 'Apparently Jack here typed up his resignation, handed it to Hammond, then two seconds later gave you one hell of a kiss.'

Jack sank into the deepest recesses of his mind wanting the world to open up and swallow him right there and then.

_Come on world I've saved you ass countless times just do this little favour for me right now_._ Swallow me. SWALLOW ME!!!!._

_[Not gonna happen Jack, let's just see how she takes us then you can beat the crap outa the world later, K?]_

'He kissed me in front of General Hammond?'

Her voice was almost unreadable, but it seemed to be caught between screaming out in anger and starting to hyperventilate.

'Yup.' Replied Sally.

She turned her head to one side for a moment and contemplated in silence.

She noticed Sally had closed her eyes, 'It was one hell of a kiss,' she said apparently re-living the moment in Jacks memory, 'Shame you don't remember it.' Waking from the livid dream.

Tell her I said sorry about that it was just to precious an opportunity to give up especially when faced with a no consequences deal

[Right Jack]

'Jack's hiding out in here but he says he's sorry about the fact you don't remember, he says it was too precious to let it slip by, something about no consequences.'

'I'm gonna kill Daniel!'

Phew at least she's angry with Daniel and not me 

'And don't think your getting away with that either Jack O'Neill!'

Opps! Spoke too soon! 

_[Yeah Jack your in for it now!]_

'But in the mean time, since you're here Sally perhaps we could discuss this a little further'

_No please don't _Jack pleaded

'What do you want to know?' Said Sally, grinning from ear to ear.

--------------------------------------

Sam and Sally where getting on like a house on fire that was filled with wooden pallets doused in naquada enhanced petrol. All the way to Jack's house they where talking about 'The incident' only twice did Sally mention anything that Jack thought, the first he wanted her to say which was yet another apology, the second Jack definitely didn't want her to say but she did anyway.

'Oh dear God!!' was what she said as he thought it.

Oh here we go! 

'What?' enquired Sam.

'It was him,' s/he said, ' he... he... he... thought that... he thinks that...God Jack... your mind is a...what is it?...yeah, a gutter.'

'Ah,' Said Sam knowing the direction the conversation was heading not knowing whither she wanted to know.

Pause.

Yup, she did. ' So...?'she said questioningly gentling encouraging Sally to elaborate and continue.

Don't you dare! 

'Toned down version... he never wanted anyone as much as that in his life.'

Yup you dared you did it 

Sam turned crimson red.

'You ok there? Or you gonna pull another emergency stop?'

'Hmm' she said brows furrowed, 'I'll be fine.'

Jack, despite his embarrassment, took over.

'Right this madness has got to stop. I'm glad you get on but I'd like to get home, so please stop at my house when you pass it, as much as I'd like to go round my block for the 27th time I just want to get home.'

Sam was temporarily in shock, almost as if she had forgotten how Jack's voice sounded normally. Silence descended on the car, it was awkward and uncomfortable. Sam turned in as Jack's house came into view.

'Sir...'

He looked down at his feet.

'Jack.'

He looked up onto her eyes.

SLAP!!

Her powerful left hand ripped across his cheek so fiercely he now faced out the rear window.

'Awwahh!' he said his slight cry in pain delayed by the shock.

'That was for kissing me when I wouldn't remember!'

Then leaning closer to him she kissed him ever so gently on the cheek she had just struck.

'That was for saying it was precious.'

Dazed and confused Jack couldn't move, Sally took over once again.

'Thanks for the ride Sam.' She said. 'You know, this is the first time he's been completely quiet all day.'

'Glad I could help. Good night' she said as the mystery that was Jack O'Neill left her car.

She turned the key in the ignition just as Jack reached the small porch of his house. The engine shuddered, spluttered and spat but they where the only signs of life that erupted from the little engine that couldn't start.

_[Jack I have an idea]_

_No. No and no._

_[Aww Jack]_

_Sally... _but his thought went in one synapse and out another.

'Sam, fancy a slumber party?'

'Do you know what one is?' Came from a slightly putout major walking up the pathway having given up on her car after trying and failing on four attempts to get it started and there was no chance she could fix it in the dark.

'Nope, but Jack's says there fun!'

'Bet Jack's never been to a slumber party,' she murmured, ' They are,' she said louder, ' if you thought the girl talk in the car was good you ain't seen nothing yet!'

Oh cruel world what have I done!! 

_---------------------------------_

Suekay you left me with a bitch of a task and this is the best I could do

Let's see how you handle this one!!!!

(I mean that in the nicest possible way hunni!!!)

Michelle

xxxxxxxxx

PS. Both of us appreciate all the nice reviews we've had. Keep em' coming.


	7. A Call of Nature

A Call Of Nature

'So where is the alcohol then?'

It had taken a full two minutes of forced conversation as coats were removed and hung and a further three minutes of awkward silence filled with curious looks and a range of facial expressions before Sam asked this al important question.

'Alcohol, Carter? Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself?' asked Jack, silently harboring his thirst for Guinness.

'Not at all.'

'You know where it is.'

'Yes the cheap beer, but not the alcohol. Sir, if we're…'

'Ah ah now; no sirs, I'm in here too thank you very much.' Said Sally jumping into the conversation. 'And the alcohol is in that cupboard over there.'

_Why didn't you just tell her where it was?_

_**It's a human thing.**_

_Hard to get, right? Don't you thin that you've been playing that game for too long._

Jack had no reply.

Sam had watched the expressions to go with the silent conversations then saw eyes focus on the room and what was going on, she smiled gently then moved over to the cupboard for something to quell the uneasy feeling in her stomach, and hopefully remove the equally uneasy thoughts from her mind

Bending down she opened the cupboard to be faced with whiskey and beer; leaning further in she searched for something with a little more kick. But as her fingers gripped round the neck of a bottle of tequila she heard the unmistakable sound of skin striking skin behind her.

'Jonathan.'

Turning so she was crouched on the floor looking at an ashen-faced and shocked colonel.

'What the hell was that!' he asked.

'That was a slap!' answered Sally, 'and thoroughly deserving in my opinion.'

His hand reached gingerly to the reddened skin on his cheek.

Sam giggled slightly. Enjoying the escapades of Sally and yet she was still very aware of the fact the she was laughing at her superior officer.

'Having some internal conflict over there?'

'To say the least.' He murmured in his reply.

_**Why did you do that?**_

_You were staring at her ass Jack, and that was nothing on the thoughts going through your gutter of a mind_

_**God, I could do that in peace before you came along**_

_Well you shouldn't be doing it at all_

_**I can't help it, look at her; it's the only thing I've got.**_

Sam could see a visible change in the man before her, he looked dog-tired; shoulders hunched and head drooping. She was glad that she was here to watch over him as the words of the good doctor (depression) flitted through her mind. The fingers that held the bottle captive slackened.

'On second thoughts let's forget the tequila?'

'Tequila?' asked Jack.

'How about hot chocolate?' asked Sam.

'Hot chocolate?' said Sally taking over,

Chaos soon followed in liberal amounts. Hot chocolate, syrup and marshmallows where hunted down and consumed by the curious alien. Not to mention bags of chips, frozen pizzas and ice cream. And as when Sally announced that her 'partner' had gone to sleep the real fun started. They found a small cache of girly movies (for such times as Sam was over of course) and watched 'Coyote Ugly' then sang along to the music videos once it was finished. They then found themselves looking up pictures of men on the web and compiling a list of those that were the cutest. Things were going pretty well all thing considered. That was until a call of nature.

'Arrrgh!' came a male voice from down the hall, said in such a way that could only indicate that the original owner of the body was now awake.

'Sir?' said Sam questioningly as she moved down the hall towards the voice.

'Carter! Do you know how weird it feels to wake up and be standing taking a piss?'

'Er no sir.' She said desperately trying to keep a straight face. She stayed close. Able to hear the one sided conversation.

'I don't care that you were desperate!… You should have woke me up!… Thank you but I'll be the only one who takes a piss in this body!… WHAT!… Jeez… No, you can't! … No, no and guess what NO!… Sally leave it alone…Ahhh! … If you were careful this wouldn't have happened!… Oy…'

A shaken man emerged from the gleaming bathroom, whilst drying his hands on his pants he saw the laughing form of Major Samantha Carter on the floor in front of him.

She sat with her back resting against the wall opposite the door, her entire body shuddering and shaking with silent laughter.

'You think this is funny?'

The only form of reply he received was in the form of a short sharp burst of sound form the woman before him before she slipped into her silent shakings once more, broken by attempts to breathe in.

'Oy' he said yawning and looking at his watch, '03.13 am, time for bed.'

xxx end of chapter xxx

HELLO THERE!

nice to be writing again and i hope any of you who get alerts will be plesantly surprised to see the return of this story!

this is mishy - suz will be writing the next chapter and we do hope to have this finished and updated almost weekly over the summer

thanks from the crazy scots and keep the reviews coming!


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